Men in her life
by xana4
Summary: Kensi thinks about the men in her life  Please let me know what you think about it...


_A.N. – This is just a one-shot that has been on my computer for a while now. I know that it's not very good but I decided to post it anyway, just to know what you guys think about it. Please let me know what you think about my little idea._

_Also, for the ones who already know me and my writing, would any of you like to see a Kensi/Deeks story written by me?_

_Anyway, read and review!_

_Sarah_

**The men in her life**

"_There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will."_

She read that sentence three times before sighing and trying to think about it. It was written on a note that had been left on top of her desk. She had no idea of who had left it there or why but she knew that it was made to make her think about her problems. She knew that it had been because of a talk that she had had that day in which she admitted that she had a hard time trusting anyone but herself.

Kensi Blye was not just any girl. She was a capable NCIS agent that was more than qualified to handle any situation thrown her way. She could handle guns, bombs, terrorists and even fighting with a marine that was heavier than her (100 pounds heavier). She could handle everything but she had a weakness, one that she was not proud of.

Men were her weakness. She had abandonment issues, as Nate liked to refer to them as. After her father's death she had a hard time trusting another man but she had eventually found Jake and Mike. Jack had become her boyfriend, someone that she thought that would always be there for her no matter how hard things were. Mike had been her first partner but he had left too. A part of her brain reminded her that Mike hadn't wanted to leave…he had been killed during a job. It hadn't been his fault but one way or another it felt like a loss to her. Jake had left too but he had chosen too. She wasn't sure why but that hurt a lot more than seeing someone die in front of her eyes while she stood helpless just a few feet away.

Then Dom had been killed too and she swore that she would never let any man get close enough to leave that hole in her chest. She had to protect herself. She couldn't let anyone hurt her like that anymore.

Sure, Sam and Callen had never left but they had been too close to do just that more than once already and every single time that it happened she couldn't help but feel awfully alone and abandoned.

Sam was like a big brother to her. He was always the one who would ask her what was wrong as soon as he noticed that something was wrong with her and the first one to give her advices about multiple things in her life.

Callen was like a big brother too but his way of dealing with her was a lot different from Sam's. Callen wouldn't ask her what was wrong because he knew that she would tell him what was bothering her when she felt ready for it. He wouldn't give her advices because he wasn't the best example when it came to dealing with personal matters.

Yes, she knew that they had no intentions of ever hurting her or abandoning her but Mike hadn't meant to left either and her father hadn't meant to left and neither had Dom. She knew that she shouldn't think about those things but the truth was that she needed to keep herself sane and that was the only way to do it. She needed to constantly remind herself that everyone could die in a matter of seconds. She knew that it was a dark thought and that most people would do anything to keep those thoughts out of their minds but it was helpful to her to think about the worst case scenarios.

She read that small sentence once again and tried to think about those three categories.

She knew who had never mattered: Jake, obviously.

That bastard who had left her in the middle of the night without saying goodbye or leaving a note to explain why he had done it would never become one of those people who had mattered to her. She would never deny that she had loved him but he had hurt her too much.

She had helped him the best way she could and he had simply walked away without looking back. Kensi had never even gotten as much as a letter from that guy who had been with her for over two years.

She knew who had really mattered: her father, Dom, Mike (the ones who had helped her become the woman that she was today).

Her father had taught her how to survive in every situation, something that it was definitely useful in her line of work. He had taught her everything that he knew that would eventually help her, even though he hadn't known at the time that she would end up working for a federal agency.

Mike had been her partner for two years and had taught her how to be the agent that she was today. While everyone said that she was too young, Mike would say that that just meant that she had the perfect brain and agility for the work. He had taught her how to be a good liar, something useful while undercover. He had taught her how to disarm a suspect without getting shot in the process. He had been the one to save her after the first time that she had been shot. Later on, while in the hospital he had smiled and told her that she was no longer a virgin. That had made her laugh so hard that the nurse had to stich her up again.

Dom had been important to her but not because of what he taught her. Dom had been important because she had taught him. She had tried to teach him everything that she thought that would be helpful to him on the field. She had tried to make him become a great agent but he had died before he had had the time to prove himself.

But the most important thing was that she knew who would always matter: Sam and Callen.

Sam and Callen hadn't taught her anything new. She hadn't taught them anything either, yet they would always have a special role in her life, one that she could not deny them.

She could still remember the first time that Sam had showed up in her house with a box of donuts just because he hadn't wanted her to be alone that night.

She could still remember the first time that Callen had showed up in her house with a six-pack and a movie just because she had called him and he had realized that she needed company that night.

Her guys…she knew that she would never be able to handle it if one of them were to leave her. She was sure that that would destroy her. A single tear made its way down her face and she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and saw Callen there with a worried look on his face. She showed him the note and he seemed to understand what she had been thinking about as soon as he read what was on it.

Callen grabbed her hands and pulled her up to her feet. He grabbed his phone and started to walk to the door still with her hand in his and with no intention of letting it go. Kensi had no other choice but to follow him. She knew that she would follow him anyway even if he weren't holding her hand like that but decided not to think about that. They failed to notice that their boss was watching them from upstairs with a smile on her face, happy to know that her female agent had someone that would show her that she could trust someone and that he and Sam would always be there to remind her of that.

"Sam, Code T!" He hung up right away and guided her to his car. Kensi smiled lightly because she knew exactly what was Code T. it stood for Code Tears. They had made up that code and whenever one of them noticed that she was feeling like this, he would call the other and meet her at her house to cheer her up.

Truth to be told, she knew that they cared and she had to stop thinking about the worst case scenarios but she also knew that it would take time. She knew that they were already close enough to hurt her in a blink of an eye but she also knew that they would never do that intentionally.

The drive to her house was silent but it was a comfortable one that let her know that Callen was giving her space to think. As soon as they stopped she saw Sam by her door holding a box of donuts and a six-pack. She smiled and the three of them walked inside. This was her family…the ones that would always be there for her no matter what.


End file.
